Slave Driver: Tales from the Torture Chamber
After the job Hunt: Insaan always a Na-Shukra
By Summaiya Noor Ali
First Job: Rules to keep in mind
1. Bosses shout.
2. You will always be on time; the boss will always be late. And will never get over-time because that is how the corporate world is. The boss will give examples of Shell and of closing days at Banks. You will pretend to believe him. When you come home and convey this to your family, your aunt will go grab a gun and repeat infinitely that she wants to shoot the guy.
3. When guests from out of town come, the employees are to become invisible, but since we are solid, mass, made from clay and water, the guests will greet us and introduce themselves to us. No employee is allowed to talk to the “guests-from-out-of-town.” You are not allowed to be polite or courteous to any of the foreigners. If these foreign temptations (because one of them looked like Behlool from Ishq e Mamnoo) try breaking the ice DO NOT reply, smile or laugh at anything they say. These will be held against you. Also if at any time the foreigners are trying to talk to you, in their very foreign accents, and you are seen, you will be asked to get up, go to a particular area far far away, and make unnecessary calls to people, who, by the way, will not answer the phone. You tell your boss no one’s receiving your call, you will be told to keep at it till an indefinite time period.
4. If anyone is witnessed talking or walking around in the room where the event is being held, they will be subjected to public insult. Shouting most probably will follow. Even after the affair has ended, and there is no work left for anyone to do, you will be made to sit because there still is half an hour to 7:30 pm. On the next day, Sunday, you will be informed at 7:30pm that you will not be let off before 8:00 pm because your reporting time was 11am.
5. When taking calls, even though you are not a receptionist/secretary, you will ask for the calls details, including unnecessary ones. This means even if they have done their A Levels privately, you will prod them till they tell you where from. If you do not, you will be subjected to inhumane treatment at work, in addition to being called into the office and being shouted at in front of any guests in the office at that time. If no one is sitting you will be called at a later stage where the above mentioned incident will be delayed till someone comes to the office.
6. If you decide to not follow the orders mentioned above, The Ettiquettes of Recieving a Call, well and good. If you decide to follow them, you will later be shouted at in front of the foreign guests about taking too long on the calls and that you must shut them straight away, and that this isn’t a story telling business.
7. There will be a day when you will be proud of your 18 advertisements made from scratch. Not a word from the boss, as my readers must have guessed. Even though your designation says Marketing Specialist, you will be holding a bunch of designations including following the boss around like a puppy, taking down notes that are being shouted at you (you will later be shouted at for taking down what was said and will be accused of noting the wrong things: this will not change even if you have witnesses to support your side of the story), and holding trolley bags that are passed down by the boss (which the guests will come to take-over as soon as they realize what the boss just did).
8. These are a few minor things that come to mind straight away, there will be more instances where you will feel like pulling your hair out but that is fine because you are in the corporate world. Soon you will get a business card to flaunt and spread in the potential customer’s jungle, but surprise! surprise! It will not have your designation on it but the designation that the company needs promoted most at that time.
9. You will NEVER *repeat infinitely* be allowed to leave work on time. Work will be given to you at 4:30 pm or later, expecting you to finish at 5:00 pm. The week when you are working overtime, you will be given work at 4:30 pm again. When it is time for you to leave, your boss will go for his Namaz and come back well after your time is up. When you leave one fine day 10 minutes after doing your over-time, your boss will call you and shout at you in a very emotional way about ethics, courtesy and professional behavior. He will blame you for leaving incomplete work when they themselves have not checked the USB that you submitted right before leaving. After two calls, of non-stop shouting and scolding you they will then find the correct file where everything is complete and will never think about informing you and you will be left wondering if standing up for what is right is still right?
10. You will be reminded time and again about representing your organization well at schools, in particular your own previous institution. When the time comes to do so, you will be told to go place the whole team’s order at MacDonald's. Next stop you will be told that you can present at the next school. This will continue till the rounds to the schools end and everyone wraps up and you are left standing with your presentation thoroughly practiced in your mind since days.
11. People will soon start resigning around you and you will be filled with hope of receiving respect now that there are even fewer people in the organization but always remember such hopes are futile and a waste of time. Time is money; for those who are paying you. and they like feeling like they are in control, by shouting at you and giving you senseless work. (Write the next days’ appointment by hand on a piece of paper and the boss will sign it after checking it. It's back to grade 1-2-3 when the teachers checked our homework diaries. *sigh*)
12. Then one fine day, you will have a shouting match with the boss, since he passes the line of being unreasonable. Whenever you score a point, he will hold up his hands as if saying he didn’t have any part in turning you into this monster that you have become. No matter how serious the situation is, you will end up laughing (HAH!) at that. Then They will tell you to not message so informally and make fun of that message by reading it out. When you ask what was wrong with it, you will be informed that the message should have come later. Then on another argument you will be told that bosses will not remember things that happen only hours before.
13. You remind him you are sick, he lets you go. The next day you lose your voice and are down with fever. The boss calls and confirms if you will be receiving calls from home, since you did not go to the office. You tell him you will still remain on call.
In the final shout-down, he says you guys always want to go home. If you are sick that is fine. You go on obviously to remind him you were sick that day, and did not go early, when it was time to go the boss extended the day. He tells you he will not remember everything, even if it is from a few hours ago.
Next he tells you that you should have informed about the not-being-marked absent a week later, when he returns to the city. Who will point out the obvious fact that he has trouble remembering things that happens a few hours ago, let alone remembering things that happened a week ago???????????????????????? *DUMBSTRUCK/gaping like a fish trying to come with with a response to this senseless argument*
One mention of that price-less 15 second shot.
Last dialogue (Boss): I think you must decide if this is the field you want to work in, if student counselling is your field. because I am trying to help you teach you but you are not getting anything.
Then you decide to leave, because you finally decide you don’t want to work where you cannot be respected, as an employee, human being, or even as a lady. The boss will order you to reconsider your opinion till the end of the day, then till the end of the next day. He will further on inform you that he will be hiring you for freelance work, which you can do from home or if you don’t have a job you can come into the office to do. He will further on go on about how the job market is saturated and it will be difficult for you to get a job. He will tell you that your work was improving since this week and he was happy with your work now that you have decided to leave. He will change colours like a chameleon without noticing the change within himself.
Last dialogue (Employee): Student counselling definitely is not my field. Marketing is my field. Advertising is what I have a degree in. This is definitely not my field.
15 second extremely precious silence, where the boss doesn't have a come-back and is staring at you.
You will laugh at it all and walk away. Knowing you are better than that.
